Things aren't much different now...

The other day I spoke with a man who looked like he was in his mid to late 60's who had a seven year old son. This was his second marriage and second family so I asked him to share his insight and experiences with me.

"You don't know anything about raising a child! You think you do but you don't!"

Wow. Confusion 101. I am not that out of touch with kids these days. I have an Apple computer, iPod and Garmin GPS unit. I know the difference between the cub scouts and boy scouts. I keep up with the latest baby stuff (does buying baby toys for my grandkids count?) and know that a big bag of diapers cost $10 and a can of powder formula cost about $5.

I have been to Babies R Us and I know the difference between a Pack n Play and Crib.

But I do know how to raise a child. I did an alright job the first time. None of the kids are in jail, they are all married and have a good sense of what is right and wrong. What else is there?

I didn't force my kids to play the piano or violin. I didn't try to live out my life dream through them by "encouraging" to play a sport in a fanatical fashion. I didn't force them to go to church, even though they liked to go.

So what could be so different about having a child in 2010 as opposed to 1984?

Here are a few facts about life in 1984.

• The Apple Macintosh was introduced at a price of $2,495.
• Dell sold its first computers out of a college dorm room.
• There were approximately 1,000 hosts on the Internet.
• Motorola introduced its 28-ounce "DynaTAC" cellular phone into commercial service late in 1983; Each phone cost a whopping $3,500
• Chrysler introduced America to the Minivan
• U.S. Population 1984: 235,824,902
• Life Expectancy 1984: 74.7 Years
• Average Income: $12,497
• Cost of a New Home:$97,600
• Cost of a New Car: $6,294
• Cost of a First Class Stamp: $0.20

Hit Songs of 1984
1. "Owner of a Lonely Heart" ... Yes
2. "Karma Chamelon" ... Culture Club
3. "Jump" ... Van Halen
4. "Footloose" ... Kenny Loggins
5. "Against All Odds" ... Phil Collins
6. "Hello" ... Lionel Richie
7. " Let's Hear It For the Boy" ... Deniece Williams
8. "Time After Time" ... Cindy Lauper
9. "The Reflex" ... Duran Duran
10. "When Doves Cry" ... Prince
11. "Like a Virgin" ... Madonna

Top Ten Movies of 1984
1. Beverly Hills Cop
2. Footloose
3. Ghostbusters
4. Gremlins
5. The Terminator
6. The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes
7. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
8. The Karate Kid
9. The Natural
10. Police Academy

People born in 1984...

• They can't remember when a Southerner or Texan wasn't President
• New cars have always had eye-level rear stop lights, CD players, and air bags
• They have always been able to choose their long distance carriers.
• Weather reports have always been available 24-hours a day on television.
• The "evil empire" moved from Moscow to a setting in some distant galaxy.
• Big Brother is merely a television show.
• Cyberspace has always existed.
• Bruce Springsteen's hit, Born in the USA, could have been played to celebrate their birth.
• Barbie has always had a job.
• A "Hair Band" is some sort of fashion accessory.
• George Foreman has always been a barbecue grill salesman.
• They have no recollection of Connie Chung or Geraldo Rivera as serious journalists.
• The GM make Saturn has always been on the road.
• The "Fab Four" are not a male rock group, but four women enjoying Sex and the City.
• Fox has always been a television network choice. Ozzy's lifestyle has nothing to do with the Nelson family.
• Women have always had tattoos.
• Vanessa Williams and Madonna are aging singers.
• Cherry Coke has always come in cans.
• A "hotline" is a consumer service rather than a phone used to avoid accidental nuclear war.
• The drinking age has always been 21 throughout the country.
• Hip-hop and rap have always been popular musical forms.
• The Coen Brothers have always been making films.
  

And in 1984, perhaps it was "Too Soon to Tell"...

• Technology analysts questioned the need for briefcase-sized computers.
• Film critics declared that George Lucas was looking for new directions because Star Wars interest was waning.
• Videotape technology was said to be killing the film industry and slowing cable network development.
• Analysts stated there was no market for Direct Broadcast Satellite systems.
  

Born in 1984

• Mandy Moore, singer, actress
• America Ferrera, actress
• Prince Harry of Wales, English prince
• Avril Lavigne, singer
• Delta Goodrem, actress, singer
• Jena Malone, actress
  

Like I said, things aren't much different today than in 1984

Really?

When I first met my fiance, I was pretty sure that I did not want to have any more children. I was married for 24 years and have three adult children and 4 2/3 grandchildren. When I say pretty sure, I believe I said something like, "I'm done raising kids. I just want to play and travel and enjoy life." Having turned 42 on my last birthday, I was looking forward to the "rest of my life".

But what did that mean to me, "the rest of my life"? While I was raising my children, I was playing, traveling and enjoying life. I love my children and the many years of joy that we shared. I look back on the many memories of their 'firsts'. First steps, first words, first call from the sheriffs office at midnight. First boyfriends, first sleepover, graduation from high school and their weddings. I love and cherish each and every moment that I had with my girls, even the not so great moments.

Divorce brought my world crashing down after 24 years. I had been married since high school and we started raising kids right away. I was just six days shy of being 18 when my first daughter was born. We were SO young, ignorant and poor but it was a lot of fun growing up with my kids. As each of the kids got married and moved away, the marriage steadily crumbled. I moved out and was divorced a few months later.

Now what? I had never been alone and never been without children in my life.

I moved into a crappy little apartment and went back to school. I thought I would date for a while, hang out with friends and enjoy my single life. However, going back to school did not provide me with the proper dating material since most of these kids were their late teens and early twenties, the same age as my kids. I don't do the bar scene and stalking is not a preferred method of finding a mate, unless you are a lion. I decided to let my fingers do the walking and dive into the world of internet dating. Having not been in circulation since high school (does that count?), I was not sure what to expect. After a few dating nightmares, I met L. From day one, we hit it off. She had been married before but she didn't have any children. She said that she never really had the desire to have kids so I was alright with that. I was sure that I didn't want any more children so the fit seemed even better.

Almost two years later, we are getting married very soon and the topic of children has come up a few times. Not just children but life purpose. What are we doing here? What is our purpose? Are we here just to work, pay taxes and take a two week vacation every year?

So here we are, talking about having a child. Bring a life into the world.

Do I really want to do this again? How will I feel? How will this affect my relationship with my spouse? How will this affect my adult children and my relationship with them? Do I have the energy to raise a child from scratch again?

So many things to think about...